Feelings

Being a mom is hard as hell and some days I feel like a complete failure. Not today. Today I'm seeing things come together. Like potty training. And like teaching GiGi to express her emotions.
She got mad at me a minute ago for turning off the tv and she turned it back on. When I turned it off again, she lashed out, using the blanket she was holding to hit the tv, knocking the cable box and some other stuff off the top. I took her upstairs for an immediate time-out. When time-out was over, I explained to her that when she gets angry she needs to tell mommy and use her words, not hit. She thought about this for a moment, then this is what she said:
"When I was a little girl your age, I got angry at you when you put me in time out. Wait. That story's not right. When I was a little girl like you, when I was your age, and you put me in time out, it made me angry and I was angry at you."
Go GiGi. So proud of my girl. One of the main things I hope to accomplish through parenting is teaching my children to express themselves in a healthy manner and to have healthy boundaries and healthy relationships. Mark and I had our emotions mocked, denied, and ignored as children, and as adults we still struggle trying to express them and even just identify them. I want my kids to know what they're feeling and to tell us. It may not result in them getting what they want, but I want them to know that we care, that we hear them, and that the way they feel matters.

August 25th 2009

Dear Gwennan,
Tonight you were such an imp. I knew you were tired and not feeling well, and I thought for sure you would drop right off when we put you to bed. But instead, half an hour later, you were up and in your doorway, calling for Daddy to come see the moon. Daddy was downstairs, so I came instead. You brought me in to your room, pulled aside the curtain and blinds and said, "See the moon?" I did see it. It was "beeliful" as you like to say. You said, "I'm sure that moon is gonna come down soon." I coaxed you back into your bed and you told me how the moon was gonna come down in three minutes. And then you told me the sun was gonna come down too. And then you told me on your birthday you were going to get moon and sun toy presents.
I loved listening to you. I did the good mom thing and convinced you to close your eyes and go to sleep, but in truth I wanted to stay up and listen to you. Listen to stories about moons and suns and birthday presents.
You are so precious to me. Three has been a difficult age in some regards - at least from my point of view - but it has also been amazing entering into your world as you learn to express yourself more and more. You see things so wonderfully and you tell us about them in your own amazing way. I love you so much. You're my girl.
Mommy

Ah, parenthood.

So Mark comes home from work feeling a bit grumpy, and I'm here waiting for him, also feeling a bit grumpy from my day. We grumpily go about our routine, getting dinner ready in the kitchen, when Mark stops a minute to hug me and give me a kiss. We stand there, holding each other, kissing each other, enjoying just a moment. Then we feel little hands trying to pry us apart and a little body trying to squeeze in between us. We choose to ignore this. Then we hear, announced with glee, "I have a poopy diaper!"

Tender moment over.